City Business Church

It is not by grace that one enters the kingdom of heaven, but by tithing. - Damazio 3:16

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Location: Washington DC, United States

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Matching Game

Let's play a game. I am going to post three different versions of the same parable from John Chapter 2. See if you can guess which version belongs to which person or church. Your three choices are A) The Well B) City Business C) Catalyst And here are your three different versions of John Chapter 2. Version Number One: On the third day a wedding took place at Rocky Butte in Portland. Jesus' mother was there, and Jesus and his apprentices had also been invited to the wedding. When the water was gone, Jesus' mother said to him, "They have no more water." "Dear woman, why do you involve me?" Jesus replied. "My time has not yet come." His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever he tells you." Near the Well stood six stone wine jars, the kind used for sin and debauchery, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus said to the servants, "Fill the jars with wine"; They were worried about their image so they filled them in the back where no one could see. Then he told them, "Now draw some out and take it to the wedding coordinator." They did so and the wedding coordinator tasted the wine that had been turned into water. She did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then she called the bridegroom aside and said, "Everyone brings out the bottled water first and then the tap water after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now." This, the first of his miraculous signs, Jesus performed at Rocky Butte in Portland. He charged the wedding host a large sum and thus revealed his “business sense”. His apprentices were amazed at how quickly he was able to turn a profit. Version Number Two: Jesus has just finished his first miracle, (not only that, it is the 1st ever recorded beer run. Mad props to you JC.) Jesus decides He’s had enough for one night and hops on His donkey headed for home. He is just about there when He hears sirens. Officer of the Law: Messiah, do you know why I pulled you over? Jesus: Of course I do, I’m the Son of God. I know everything. Officer: You were riding your donkey in an oxen only lane. Jesus: Well, you see, Jon the Baptist called and said he was upset. You see he always wanted to be a banker and... oh, never mind. Officer: Jesus, have you been turning water into wine again? Jesus: Actually it’s just grape juice. The water was no good so… Officer: Savior, I’m going to have to ask you to step off that donkey. Jesus: Mother Mary’s the one your really want. She made me do it. I was stuck with that whole “Honor your father and your mother” business. Officer: I’m sorry Redeemer, but the law is the law Jesus: Hey man, I’m Jesus. People know me. I’m kind of a big deal. You see that parchment over there. Yeah, that’s a little book I’m writing. It’s called the Bible. Version Number Three A wedding was taking place, and Jesus and his apprentices had been invited. When the wine was gone, Jesus' mother said, "We have no more wine." "Hold on" Jesus replied, "There is an uninvited intruder who is harrasing all the guests with "knock knock" jokes. He keeps "mooing" incessantly at everyone. Jesus said to the servants, "Keep an eye on him." Suddenly, there is some commotion in the corner, "Are you kidding me!", Jesus screams. "WHAT THE! What is he doing now?... is he trying to construct a funnel with olive branches? For the love of all that is sacred and holy, tell him you're not supposed to funnel wine." SECURITY! SECURITY ! Luke 7:33-34 (NIV) For John the Baptist came neither eating bread nor drinking wine, and you say, 'He has a demon.' The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and you say, 'Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and "sinners." '

4 Comments:

Blogger Reformed Pope said...

For those who went to Temple Christian High School I’m providing an answer key from the back of the book. Now when you turn in your answers make sure to show your work.

Version 1 ----------- City Business
Version 2 ----------- The Well Church
Version 3 ----------- Catalyst

It's a good thing I had that answer key; I thought the first version was straight out of the Bible.

5/13/2005 05:15:00 PM  
Blogger JiminyCricket81 said...

How funny....I was actually thinking of this very same parable this morning in reference to the blog. I'm interested in how freaked out people seem to get about alcohol in general within the context of fundamentalist churches. The first miracle was essentially the best party trick ever, right? And Jesus didn't seem so thrilled about that, but still did it, right? And probably people drank that wine, didn't they? So? What's the deal?

It seems that giving others the benefit of the doubt where responsible choice-making is concerned is too much for the conventional fundamentalist church. It seems that this is the real issue, not the alcohol itself.

Now, all this is said as a person whose first taste of alcohol occured while I was working at an Episcopalian church as a chorister...we were taking communion during the Easter Vigil (aka Sad Saturday...to use my father's facetious terminology). And, to continue the story, my ride home for the evening continued to drink at the post-service dinner, which made for a nasty interaction with the Benedryl he'd taken before the service. Needless to say, I made other ride arrangements immediately. The moral of the story?
a) Don't drink.....ever!
b) Episcopalians have loose morals
c) Don't mix alcohol and Benedryl in the first place, and don't drink and drive in the second....dummy!

5/14/2005 12:29:00 PM  
Blogger financialblessings said...

reformed pope,
if you're really a pope, than where's your big pope hat. whatta ya gonna say to that. ya nothing cause you can't show me cause you don't got one.

FB

5/15/2005 12:17:00 PM  
Blogger Reformed Pope said...

When did Luke get out of rehab?

5/15/2005 05:53:00 PM  

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