City Business Church

It is not by grace that one enters the kingdom of heaven, but by tithing. - Damazio 3:16

Location: Washington DC, United States

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Forward in Unity

A few weeks ago, I was studying for the blog by reading the Sunday Comic’s when I felt a tug on my heart. Quickly I wrote down 10 things that I thought God might want us to do with this blog. I presented these 10 things to the Business elders at the next leadership meeting and we all agreed on these 4 steps listed below. We are very excited by what the future will bring, and would like everyone to participate as we move this blog forward. Together we can reach many more “saved” Christians in need of Christ’s love. This campaign is designed to move the church forward/together. Let’s all be willing to go forward and let’s all be willing to go together. THE FOUR STEPS TO F.U. Retiring the debt on our present 33 acre blog- $10.00 Fortunately, Blogger provides CBC with a free blog site, so this first goal should be easily accomplished. Catalyst did however, spend $10 on some beer that directly led to the start of this blog and he's hoping to get reimbursed. Refurbishing our blog to better serve our congregation, ministries and community - $1.5 million We were recently reading a blog from a church in Africa and noticed that it had the same template as our blog and instantly we thought “When a blog from a 3rd world country has the same template as your American Dream blog, it’s time to change templates” Reaching more churched and saved people through strategic communication and evangelism - $600,000 Our sarcasm is known throughout the city, but only a handful know the sarcasm as a City Business Church. How do we let people know who we are? What about the use of television ads, radio, direct mail, and evangelistic events targeted to reach our community? Connecting to our community through sarcastic small group materials, sarcastic divorce recovery, eating disorders classes (those are always serious), sarcastic budget counseling and many more sarcastic interest ministries takes a major investment of money, time and resources. Regionally expand our ministries by starting a third City Business Church blog on the West Side - $10.00 We already have and, but we desire to conduct multiple blogs in chosen regional locations 1 click from our present location. This extends our total ministry to other locations through creative and strategic means. We have great ministry resources to reach this goal. How can you get involved? step one - begin with a simple prayer Begin now by asking the Lord how He would like you to be involved in F.U.. A good place to start is with this prayer, "Lord what do you want to do through me to accomplish Your will for City BusinessChurch?" step two - surrender to God's direction Next, take an inventory of your assets and your lifestyle. Determine what you can give above your regular tithes and offerings... Ok, this post is dragging on a little bit to much. If you want to learn about the real Forward Together campaign click here

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Quick Quiz

The Oregonian included a Ten Commandments quiz in their paper today. How many can you answer correctly? Here's a top-10 list straight from the Scriptures Update: Here are the answers:

Monday, June 27, 2005

Dear LT,

Here @ City Business Church it only takes one comment to make you a member of the family and so I am wondering if you wouldn’t mind helping me clear up a few things. On Sunday I had a conversation with my mother about Christian prayer lingo. For those of you who don’t know my mom, I would describer her as a Moaner-Groaner with a touch of Quaker-Shaker. To say the least she knows how to make a scene in church. Her latest craze is 24 hour prayer and worship which she experienced on a recent trip to Kansas City. On her return she ran right out bought a new stereo system and filled it with cd’s from whatever church in Kansas City she was at. Her plan is to have praise and worship music piping through the house 24 hours a day; I’m not sure how that’s going to go over with the fam, but she’s gonna try it. Anyway, my brother Jesse and his should-be fiancé Andrea were listening to the cd’s and they noticed that the person praying was asking for God to “turn hearts like channels of water”. This sparked our conversation in which we had to ask, what does it mean to “turn hearts like channels of water”? Discussing this quickly led to “gap standing”, “bridge building”, and “hedges of protection”. And, let’s not forget about the “river”. You can wade, jump, step into, and drink from “the river” which appears to have something to do with “ocean’s of love”, but we’re not sure how they’re connected. It seems to me that all to often people just go with the flow (apparently down the river), and rarely stop to ask the all important question: “WHAT???”. I’m going to give that a try: 1.What is the “gap” and why are we standing in it? 2.How many “rivers” does it take to make “oceans of love”? 3.Is the “bridge” for crossing the “gap” or the “river”? 4.Are we really supposed to “drink” from the same “river” that we just jumped in? After about 30 minutes of discussion with my mother here’s what I understand. The gap is the space between sin and righteousness (man and God). The bridge crosses that very gap; and no one knows where the river flows, but if you see it, be sure to jump in. I actually think it helps explain the Trinity. Jesus is the ultimate “gap stander” (her words, not mine), the Holy Spirit is in the “river”, and that leaves God to tend to the “hedges”. Which leads me to my next question: How much protection does a hedge really offer? Can you picture Satan gathering an army of demons, preparing for an attack on an unsuspecting Christian, when suddenly he hears: Demon: “Um Lucifer, I think we’ve got a problem”. Satan: “Yes Rage, what’s the matter” Demon: “We couldn’t get him” Satan: “What do you mean ‘you couldn’t get him’?” Demon: “Well, Lust, Envy and I were right on his tale when suddenly… he ran across the bridge, jumped into this river, swam right past your gap, and then dove behind that hedge for protection.”

Sunday, June 26, 2005

LT in the House

Since this blog spent several days discussing former PBC professors Larry Taylor and Ken Ross, I felt obligated to post this comment by Larry Taylor. Truth is a precious possession and hard to come by, either in the church or out of it. Some friends and former students urged me to check out your blogger site recently when my friend, Ken Ross, and I were the topic of conversation. I expected to see some misinformation, but mostly the dialogue seemed earnest and many of the participants seemed genuinely interested in the truth. From what little I have seen of this site I cannot imagine that it would turn away a non-believer since most people already hold presuppositions about the church. It is truth that most people want, deep in their lonely souls. In spite of the criticisms, obvious biases and occasional misinformation, I want to applaud you, the younger generation, for your hospitality to honest dialogue. Just remember that eventually you will need to come up with some answers as well as criticisms too. Meanwhile, thanks for providing a forum for people to honestly divulge their thoughts and feelings. Honesty without malice never hurt the cause of Christ, and people who live honestly have little to hide. Blessings. -LT

Saturday, June 25, 2005

City Bible Watch Español

I have just finished reading the inspiring works of Damazio Franko (specifically Claves Efectivas para el Liderazgo de Éxito available through $13.00) It’s amazing to me how the spirit works. I’m busy reading Effective Keys to Successful Leadership in Spanish and Catalyst is drinking Cervasez. What fruit does this bear, you ask? Well, this has birthed a new blog: City Bible Watch Español. We would like to invite all spanish speaking members of City Business Church to join us at Hello City Bible English, say hi to City Bible Español. "Hello CB Español." "Hola CB English."

Friday, June 24, 2005

Blue Like Me

Because me and my brother are computer morons, we haven't figured out how to add a list of links on the side of our blog. Nevertheless, I stumbled across an interesting blog written by a local Portland Christian who appears to be going through a bit of a struggle. Her latest post is entitled Morality and Jesus and she mentions Miller's book Blue Like Jazz. She also appears to have several tattoos. So while, I've never met her, I already like her. Anyway: check out her blog.

Thursday, June 23, 2005


I just spent the past two weeks in Central America, traveling around with a group of City Bible members. It was a great trip. And I learned something interesting about City Bible. Apparently, the majority of their new growth is coming from the Hispanic community. It made me realize that this blog has been unintentionally excluding a huge segment of the City Bible population. We have not been reaching those spanish speaking members of City Bible. This needs to change. So using my two weeks of spanish, I am going to attempt to communicate with the Hispanic Community and hopefully impart our message of hope and love. Here we go: Hola: Cervasez, por fa vor? Donde esta El Bano? Bailemos? Usted es hermoso. Te amo. Gracias mucho. Adios. This is a work in progress, and obviously I am no Ben Trolese, but I think got my message across.

Dear Bubbs,

Thank you for your honest comments. I was recently pulled into a meeting with my church about this blog, they felt like it was un-Christ like (I think they are right) and that it would turn non-Christians away from God (I think they are wrong). So, it’s good to get your perspective. The truth is that this blog isn’t really meant for people outside the church. I’m surprised that you even find it funny since so much of it revolves around “inside” jokes. None the less, I’m glad that you do. There are many great things about religion and many more about God. The problem is that we humans make mistakes. A lot of them. That’s where this blog comes into play. I spent a lot of time in one church running around in a circle. God was nothing more than a celebrity we all claimed to be best friends with, but had really never met. Sure, we read lots of books about Him and we went to lots of meetings about Him, and even talked to Him before meals and bed, but 20 years later I realized that he wasn’t talking back. Maybe I just wasn’t listening I guess, but the point is I didn’t have a relationship with Him. That’s when I left one church for another. Now, I would like to believe that church should have little to do with your ability to have a relationship with God; and in some ways I think that’s true, but the fact is that when I changed churches I met Jesus. Really, it was the first time that someone actually explained Grace to me. It’s quite interesting how it all works. The first step is to screw up (done) and then the second step is usually to screw up again (also done again and again) and then comes the good part, salvation. After that your role is pretty much left to accepting forgiveness, every time you make a mistake. It’s really quite refreshing. I used to think the goal was to stop making mistakes, which it is, but since no one will ever do that… well thank God for the grace of Jesus. There are so many Christians out there who think religion is all about being “better” than everyone else. They build themselves a platform to sit on and look around and say I’m better than you and you and you, well maybe not you…we’re tied, but I’m better than all of them. It’s as if they think God is going to grade on a curve and they only have to be better than most. If God were going to judge on any kind of curve we would all burn. (Right now there are tons of CBC members yelling at their computers saying “That’s what you are doing to us. You think you are better than us. OHH HE MAKES ME SO MAD I WANT TO CUSS… that son of bitches.” Well, CBC, before you go asking for forgiveness for your foul language let me just say; in many ways you are right. It does look like I’m sitting on my pedestal judging you. But, I hope you can see that I’m really trying to judge myself and my behavior while at CBC and not you.) So, I guess that brings me back to where I wanted to go with this before I started ranting: Please do not judge Christ by this blog or by the people on this blog. We are terrible sinners and could never do God justice, but He is worth getting to know. And try to ignore Anonymous, he is a complete coward who’s issues stem from a hatred for his mother (probably). I don’t know if any of this is interesting to you or not, but thanks again for your comments. It’s good to get your perspective. By the way, I’m curious what you were looking for on Google when you found us? If you would like to respond without the annoying comments from Anonymous, you can email me @

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I hope this clears things up. Posted by Hello

Monday, June 13, 2005

My Elder, The Cow

The following are some observations that I have had in regards to women and the Bible. Genesis 2:7 & 18-25

If you read these scriptures closely (posted below) you see that in Gen 2:7 God creates man, and then in Gen 2:18 decides it is not good for him to be alone. So God set out to find a helper (not a partner, not a friend or companion, not an elder but a helper.) Now it is at this point that you expect God to form women, right, well he doesn’t. No, in Gen 2:19 God forms “every beast of the field and every bird of the sky” and let’s Adam name them all.

In verse 20 we see Adam going through and naming each animal. He names the cattle, the birds, and finally “every beast of the field”. The next line is the real kicker (sorry Jiminy) “…but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.”

This passage struck me as somewhat odd. I’m picturing Adam talking with God saying “Cattle, God? You don’t want me to be alone and you send me cattle? Four legs God, count them: one, two, three, four. How’s this supposed to work? Seriously, do you see the ass on that thing? What am I supposed to do with that??”

So God knocks Adam out. Now, if I’m Adam, I’d be a little nervous right now. I’ve just seen every option out there and I’m not sure that shacking up with a beast for the rest my life sounds like a good option. This is the first real example of faith; Adam lying on the ground fast asleep dreaming of running through a field hand in hand with a grizzly bear.

When Adam comes to (v22) he sees that God has created a helper out of his own flesh and (v25) “the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” (Clearly Adam understood the principles of tithe and here God was pouring out his blessing.)

The order these scripture set is: 1.God 2.Man 3.Beast 4.Woman.

Women were actually the last thing to be created. Created as a helper to man. Now remember Eve wasn’t around for all the helper talk. She hadn’t been created yet when Adam was busy telling God “Ok, I’ll take the llama over the oxen, but I’m really looking for something a little less hairy”. She may not have known why she had been created and that could be why Satan went to her with the forbidden fruit.

She eats, Adam eats, and we’ve all been paying for it since then, but there is one more important scripture: Genesis 3:16. Here God tells the woman her place in the authority structure.

“I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you”

I know these scriptures are not kind to women, but what do you do?

Figure out how to give birth without any pain and you’ll be well on your way.

Scriptures from above

Genesis 2:7 & 18-22 & 25 (New International Version) 7Then the LORD God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being. 18Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." 19Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. 20The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. 21So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. 22The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. 25And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Genesis 3:16 (New International Version) I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

The Star Spangled Tithe

This Tuesday is Flag Day and Independence Day is right around the corner. In honor of these great American holidays (or in order to mock a great Christian tradition) I have re-written the words to our national anthem. I will admit that it isn’t very original, but you will admit that it is funny. Sometimes (read: always) we go for the cheap laugh in place of the intellectual comment. This post is no different and so I give you… “The Star Spangled Tithe” Oh, say, can you see, by our dome’s early light, What so proudly we gave at “Super Sunday’s” last meeting? Whose broad gift’s and bright tithes, shouts of “Let’s go all night”, O'er the new carpet we watched, were so plasma screening? And the dollars green glare, “Faith Harvest” bursting in air, Gave proof thro' the night that Malachi 3:8 was still there. O say, does that “Forward Together” banner yet wave O'er the Butte of Rocky and the money we gave? *a special thanks goes out to Finally Home for his inspirational work on this piece.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

I have seen the nipple on your soul

Recently the blog was posed with this question: Question: What fruit does this bare in your lives? Does it feed the Spirit or the flesh? Please read 1 Cor. 6:1-8 and tell me how this public blog of entertainment at the expense of other christians faults (true or false, not the issue)is in harmony with God's known will? And how, pray tell, is God glorified in all of this? Instantly I was excited. For one of the first times we were being called out and were not referred to as bitter. Now, I know what you’re thinking, if anything this is one of few scriptures that support the blog. “And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases? 3Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more the things of this life!” Yes, it supports the blog, but that’s not the point. The point is that someone from CBC actually opened their Bible and found a scripture; they used their mind and came up with an argument. It really was ground breaking. Later that night I was at a children’s ministry meeting (surprisingly yes, they do let me around children) at my home church, when someone came up to me and said “That was me. I’m 1 Cor. 6.” Shaking my head I responded “What?” Yes, that’s right people. 1 Cor 6 is not a “think for yourself Christian” from CBC, but rather a confused and sometimes wishy-washy member of the Well. This is the same person who “leaked” the info about L.T. and Ken Ross. As much as I appreciate your comments, if you can’t print your name then you shouldn’t be posting. In the words of Elaine Bennis: “I have seen the nipple on your soul” I expect better from you next time.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

This break is a break up

I think the above headline is my favorite line from the movie Jerry MacGuire, or at least its tied with "who's going with me?" Anyway, this Friday I'm leaving the country for 10 days to attend a good friend's wedding. I'm excited and it should be fun. Anytime you send Catalyst to a Third World Country, he usually comes away with some pretty funny stories. However, I don't anticipate posting much in the next couple of weeks. And since, I don't want to leave my readers completely bored. Me and the Pope had an idea. So many of you wrote and made comments on the blog regarding your disapproval of Larry and Ken's firing. We though it might be fun if we emailed Ken Malmin and expressed our discontent. Although your letters may not bring Ken and Larry back, it will be a great sign of support. Thus, please use the link below to send an email to Ken Malmin expressing your dissatisfaction with City Bible's decision to fire 2 excellent teachers. Update June 8: All is not lost. Apparently, my intern will be taking over the blog while I'm gone. Should be fun.

Sunday, June 05, 2005


Today is the day that City Bible spoke about women being elders. Here is how I imagine the sermon went. Good Morning, everyone. As many of you know, today we are going to discuss the ordination of women at City Bible Church. I am well aware that the Bible says some specific things about women, and that's why the leadership and I have prepared a special presentation to help you grasp this complex Biblical issue. First, we are now selling new Bibles in the bookstore for $49.95. These new Bibles are interepreted by Kevin Connor and edited by Lanny Hubbard. We call them the KCV version of the Bible. And yes, the teachings of Christ are in red. As is Malichi 3:8. My step-father informed me that Christ meant to speak Malachi 3:8, he just forgot. For those of you who can't afford this new KCV version, I am going to ask you to take out a ball point pen. Something permanent and indelible. Okay, everyone cross out 1 Corinthians 14:34-35.... well, better yet, just cross out that entire chapter. We're not gonna be needing it anymore. Thanks... Okay.. well that settles that. Great. Now we're all on board. Oh and before I forget, we have bussed in some gays for us to pray for. What's that? Oh, no, no, no, they're not practicing homosexuality, they're gays who don't want to be gay. The only sin we tolerate at this church is pride. What's that? Another question? Ummm, well yes the Bible does say some things about women. But we've crossed those verses out. What's that? "God doesn't change." No, you're absolutely right, God doesn't change, just the Bible. Okay. Great... well everyone open your Bibles to Malichi 3:8.....

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Replacement Teachers

I think I've found Larry and Ken's replacement. This is from the City Bible Bulletin. WOMEN AND MINISTRY In Joel 2:28, God said that He would pour out His Spirit on all mankind. The purpose of this would be to empower His people so they might accomplish His work in the earth. This power was to be given to both male and female and would manifest itself in gifts and abilities from the Holy Spirit. Sadly, the reality is that many churches don’t utilize the God-given gifts and skills that reside in the women of their congregations. As a result, many churches are not only deprived of a vast reserve of God’s grace resident in their female members, but the complexion of the churches lack the important contributions that will only come from their women. In the end, these churches attempt to accomplish the commission given to them with only part of the resources necessary to do it. It is our responsibility to help the people of this church to understand the treasure that resides in the women of this congregation and to motivate us all to release more of those gifts to the Body of Christ. The Bible provides us with God’s original pattern for women harmoniously working alongside men. It also gives guidelines to ensure this is done in a proper manner. Both the Old and New Testament work together to give us a clear understanding of what that is to look like. When Paul stated that the church is like a human body, in which every member contributes to the successful function of the whole, he definitely had in mind the female members of that body along with the male. As we move into the future, it is encouraging to see our women function in their God given gifts and calling. Lanny Hubbard Portland Bible College Faculty Member

Friday, June 03, 2005

Taking the college out of PBC

(Warning: This post is rated PG-13) So it sounds like CBC is trying to make the school less Bible College and more Internship (i.e. Timothy program). This may be a little bit obvious, but how long before we can start calling it Portland Business College? I guess they want to raise up an army of ass-kissers. Don’t you want to be a part of “Generation Kiss Ass”? And if PBC is going to become the Timothy Program. At least, I hope they include a class about safe sex, or at least hand out condoms at orientation. Last I checked, the Timothy program was less about serving the Lord and more about servicing your co-intern... but whatever... Anyway, here is the new theme song for the School of Internship at City Bible. Led by General Hank and his army of ass-kissers. I am an A. I am an A-S I am an A-S-S-K-I-S-S-E-R And I will T-I-T-H-E to my home church C-B-C Or God will C-U-R-S-E me for all Eternity I am an A…

Thursday, June 02, 2005


I have been thinking about the recent layoffs at PBC. The official version seems to be that City Bible is restructuring PBC and they no longer need the services of Larry and Ken. Which is fair enough. Here is my concern. I thought City Bible was a family. I was unaware that it is acceptable to restructure family members. Not that I oppose, mind you. Immediately upon hearing a family restructure is posible, I fired off a call to my mother asking whether perhaps we could restructure a certain Joel Morton out of the family. She, of course, was less than amused. But my younger siblings gave it great thought and, much like Pastor Hank, decided that, "Yes a family restructure was definately possible. And Joel has to go." They're excited to see the basement room finally become available as a TV room. Seriously though, to me this is just another sign of City Bible running the church like a business instead of a ministry. I understand that churches have to support themselves and tough decisions have to be made. But instead of using corporate lingo for firing someone, why not just be honest and say, "PBC isn't making enough money to support both of your salaries. But, you are family, so we'll do our best to support you until you find another job." A business probably wouldn't do this. But a church might. Anyway, I don't know either Ken Ross or Larry Taylor but they seemed like genuine sincere leaders, not hype-masters like most of the elders at City Bible.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Six months down, a lifetime to go...

Today is the six month anniversary of citybiblewatch. It has been a rather enjoyable six months, and I appreciate all the people who have commented and offered their opinion. I have learned a lot. We had many rules when we first started this blog, most of which we have already broken. However, one of the rules we tried to stand by was "no gossip". We did not want to print rumors, and we did not want to get sued. Of course... rules are made to be broken. So, here is the lastest rumor. Allegedly, City Bible has just fired two faculty members at Portland Bible College. Thus, significantly reducing the number of faculty at PBC. Apparently, they don't offer tenure at PBC. One of the recently fired faculty members was heard to say, "I imagine it's only a matter of time before this gets on the blog." Not wanting to dissapoint... Anyway, I could offer my thoughts on why these members got fired. But I really do not know the circumstances surrounding this situation. So, I'll leave the speculation to others.